It’s that time of year again – Eurovision season! With less than a month to go until the final, let’s review the British entry for 2016 and take a look at the UK’s chances of winning.

To help out, I’ve asked a few friends from fellow Eurovision countries what they think of our entry…

What is the UK entry for Eurovision 2016?

This year, the BBC went for a national selection, which was probably a good idea after last year‘s Electro Velvet gave us our worst score count since our infamous nul points in 2003. The final was shown on BBC Four (the new home of Eurovision, after BBC Three went digital) and gave the national public six songs to chose from – each more generic than the last.

The winners were Joe & Jake – two failed X Factor hopefuls who have come together and perform a very lacklustre pop song, ‘You’re Not Alone.’

What are the UK’s chances of winning?

As is tradition, I have asked a few friends from fellow Eurovision countries for their take on our latest entry to see just whether we stand a better chance than last year.

Australia

Dacia

Us Aussies were hoping to display a little more mateship when it came around to supporting our UK cousins in Eurovision’16. I mean, Joe and Jake are a breath of fresh air after the hot garbled mess that came out of last year’s Electro Velvet – am I right?

But by a breath of fresh air, I mean that it’s not exactly a train wreck, but it’s not really a show-stopper, either. It’s nice to see some average Joes have a crack at the Eurovision stage, but the poor fellas will find themselves hard-pressed to compete against Straya’s own Dami Im. (Excuse the bias while I have my Vegemite on toast.)

You’re Not Alone won’t have me chugging back glasses of champers or dancing in the sky-ay-ay on Eurovision night – but it wouldn’t have me cringing if it came on the radio at the breakfast table, either. Joe and Jake may be a little vanilla for my liking, but the guys might even provide a welcome break amongst the otherwise kitsch and garish Eurovision numbers.

The verdict? 6 points.

Dacia is a Sydney-native and regularly contributes to trivago’s Aussie & Kiwi blog, inspireme. She’s lived on three continents, has spent way too much money on travelling and has slept in countless hotels. When not on the road, she aspires to spend her free time reading, nurturing a second or third language (her current project is German) and scouring Netflix for new movies.

France

Marie

How do I see the UK entry for Eurovision? Let just say that they play it safe this year! After One Direction, UK probably could not do better than two guys recently out of puberty singing a song with cheesy lyrics… but this lack of risk might cost UK the victory. Come on UK, you had Amy Winehouse, Oasis, The Cure, Artic Monkeys and David Bowie, is this the best you could do?

Well yes, I am probably jealous because the French performer will be beaten by the Austrian singer Zoë who has also decided to sing in French…

So how could I rate the UK? I think they will be anyway in the Top 10 because the song really gets stuck in your head! After listening to it only one time, you’ll be able to sing along… so be careful! “You’re not alone, we’re in this together”!

The verdict? I give UK an 8.
(But don’t worry as long as Azerbaijan don’t use as much auto-tune as they did in their presentation video, we’re fine!)

Marie arrived in Germany two years ago but is still trying to figure out the people… France and Germany aren’t too far away but the people are VERY different! Marie writes a blog (in French) about her experiences and adventures as an expat in Germany, Vie d’Expat’.

Finland

Saana

Oh my god, the UK entry is b-o-r-i-n-g! I wanted to turn the song off already after the 20 first seconds, but as I promised to listen all the way through, I bravely did hoping there would be even a small spot of excitement during the 3 long minutes. But no, the song sounded exactly the same until the very last second of it. However, I can believe those cute young guys melting some hearts even if the song didn’t impress me at all. The song would be probably pretty perfect to play on the background in a grocery store though.

The verdict? The UK will get 3 points from Finland for a nice effort and cute young guys.

Saana is an adventurous travel blogger and writer from Finland. She enjoys spontaneous explorations in Europe and beyond, and is always travelling with light luggage and wallet but with heavy passion for nature and new experiences. She is writing her travel blog Live now – dream later also in English.

Romania

Vlad

Look, I’m not saying the song the UK is sending to Eurovision this year is terrible, but halfway through it I had already forgotten what it sounded like. Let’s be honest, even their stage name sounds forgettable. I had to listen to the song a couple of times just to have an idea what to write about (probably the most views they got this month) and I struggled to find something nice to say about it. I find the lyrics corny af and their performance is uncomfortable to watch.

I assume this song would be all the rage at a high school talent show and I’m only hoping they will perform first in the finale so that it won’t seem too lame compared to the better artists. Okay, maybe I am saying the song is terrible, so I’ll give it a 3/10 for effort (UK could win this so easily, they can just send One Direction, I don’t imagine they’ll be busy after the split 😉 ).

The verdict? 3 points.

Vlad is a traveller from Bucharest who has been passionate about visiting new places ever since childhood when he used to explore his home country during the endless summers. Nowadays, with a full-time job, he makes the most of his annual leave, discovering wonderful places all over Europe. You can follow his travels on the blog Eff It I’m On Holiday.

Summary

Our entry is boring, bland and instantly forgettable. In a lot of ways, it’s the antidote to last year’s horrific electro-swing number, but the song lacks any kind of passion or emotion. I genuinely think we will come last again this year. This year we needed a powerful ballad with a strong singer, instead we got two tweens with guitars and dodgy lyrics.

Sigh.